


And I'm White as a Ghost

by hawluchador



Category: Original Work
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 15:05:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11443374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawluchador/pseuds/hawluchador
Summary: so because i hate myself, i wrote this to match up to the pace/length ofElephant by Hannah Georgas, which is a beautiful song that really rips me the heck up. i should apologize for this but i can't.





	And I'm White as a Ghost

There’s barely any sun filtering through the window, but he can hear the birds have already begun their chorus. It’s morning enough. He’s awake now, comfortably warm, rested, at ease. For once, he’d woken on his own. No dreams, no twitches from Val lying next to him.

 

 _Valerie_.

 

It registers concretely that he isn’t alone. He tells himself he’s never sure how he ends up here, but Val’s room is becoming an increasingly familiar place, his bed especially. He can feel the mage’s living warmth against his back, against the scars that he is so, so gentle with, that he doesn’t ask about. There’s the slow expanse and contraction of his chest, and at some point in his sleep, Dmitri’s breath seems to have slowed to match.

 

Turning in the heavy arms around him, he lets himself look into the other’s face, one that he’d come to know so well. For a while, he just watches as the shadows of sleep filter across it. The light catches the gold in his eyelashes, which flutter occasionally, but there’s no telltale crackle on his skin. A good dream then. Dmitri finds himself smiling. Good dreams seemed to be a rare occasion, however much they may have been needed. Better not to wake him out of it.

 

A cautious, light hand moves to his face, tracing eyebrows and jaw and nose, pushing mussed hair out of the way, but being careful to let him continue to sleep. His fingers trail down to his neck, heartbeat gently beating under his touch, and he ducks his head in close. He feels safe here. These moments, when Val isn’t so tense or mad or worried, are some of those he holds dearest, some he’s come to love. Something in his chest swells, and he freezes.

 

No. He can’t be here anymore.

 

The arms around him are suddenly too heavy, and he shifts as gently as he can out of them. Getting up from the bed, he’s careful to be quiet. It was better this way, and Val is still dreaming of pleasant things, bright futures, maybe. He puts the covers back soft over the healer– _the one who heals you–_ and turns, breath tight in his throat and out the door as quick as he can be without making too much noise.

 

The rest of the massive house is silent, too early, doubtful anyone else is even awake yet. The floor under his feet is cold as he makes his way down the hall, pace quickening with each step. It’s hard not to want to throw everything into his pack and leave right then and there. It’s harder to think about having to leave at all.

 

He reaches his room and passes it. He keeps walking as if he has a destination in mind. He thinks of Tevinter and its cold, heavy chains. He thinks of Arlathan and its wide halls, its open and welcoming arms. He thinks of Seren and Mahariel and Solas and his sisters and his mother and his father. He thinks of Aenorean. He thinks of Valerie.

 

Everything is too close. The walls, the ceiling, the unsuspecting adversaries in their respective rooms, the one still asleep in the bed where he’d left him. He reaches the door and realizes he’s close to running, but he stops. He can’t leave, not yet. He has a job to do. The crisp morning air from outside rushes into his lungs in deep, shaky breaths.

 

He has a job to do.

**Author's Note:**

> so because i hate myself, i wrote this to match up to the pace/length of [Elephant by Hannah Georgas](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oXAg6FVvG-4), which is a beautiful song that really rips me the heck up. i should apologize for this but i can't.


End file.
